Reflection on Matthew 18:21-35
Something stood out to me in today’s Gospel (Matthew 18:21-35) that I don’t think I had ever really stopped to think about before.
We all know the parable. A servant owes the king a debt so large that he could never repay it. When the king orders that he and his family be sold to repay the debt, the servant falls down and begs:
“Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.”
Of course, he can’t. The debt is enormous. But then the king does something the servant didn’t even ask for:
“Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.”
He doesn’t give him more time. He wipes the debt away.
And then comes the part that really stood out to me:
“When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, ‘Pay back what you owe.’”
That is what I couldn’t get past this morning.
This man has just received an unbelievable act of mercy. His entire life has changed. A debt he could never repay is gone. He walks out a free man.
And almost immediately, he is choking somebody.
Why?
That question led me into a little bit of contemplative prayer this morning. I tried to place myself there and know this man a little bit. Scripture doesn’t tell us what he was thinking or what was in his heart, so I am not saying any of this is actually what happened. But sometimes putting myself into a Scripture scene, wondering about the people in it and trying to see it through their eyes helps me see something in myself. And hopefully through that contemplation, I come a little closer to God.
So I started thinking about this servant.
Maybe he wasn’t generally a bad guy. We don’t know. He had apparently loaned another man money. And apparently he had lived for some amount of time with that man owing him the money. Maybe on most days he was a decent, generous guy.
So why does he suddenly grab this man by the throat?
I started wondering if maybe something happened inside him when the king forgave his debt.
Maybe he had trouble receiving that much mercy.
That thought probably came to me because I know that feeling in myself. I can actually get embarrassed when somebody gives me something that I don’t think I deserve. I am much more comfortable if I can earn it, repay it, return the favor, or somehow make things even. Just standing there and receiving something that I know I didn’t earn can make me uncomfortable.
But this servant couldn’t make things even.
He had asked for time to repay the debt. The king didn’t give him time. He forgave it.
Maybe this man walked out knowing he had just received something he could never deserve or repay. Maybe instead of experiencing freedom, he experienced shame. Maybe he still felt the weight of a debt that the king had already taken away.
And then he sees a man who owes him.
For the first time in this whole story, he is not the debtor. He is the creditor.
Somebody owes him. Maybe all that embarrassment, fear, shame, or whatever else he was carrying suddenly had somewhere to go.
Again, Scripture doesn’t tell us that. I don’t know what was in this man’s heart.
But contemplating that possibility made me start looking at my own heart.
How often does God offer me grace and I have trouble receiving it?
I normally think of rejecting God’s grace as something pretty dramatic. God offers me the grace to do the right thing and I choose sin instead.
But I wonder if I reject His grace in much smaller and more subtle ways all the time.
God forgives me, but I keep carrying the guilt.
God gives me something good, but I struggle to accept it because I don’t think I deserve it.
God offers peace, but I keep working the problem over and over in my head.
God gives me somebody who loves me, but I have trouble letting myself be loved.
God offers me an opportunity to forgive, but I keep holding onto what somebody owes me.
God gives me a blessing, and instead of simply saying, “Thank You,” I start trying to figure out why He gave it to me.
Maybe God has already forgiven the debt, and I am still trying to figure out how I am going to pay Him back.
That is where today’s first reading (Sirach 27:30-28:7) really connected for me:
“Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.”
Hugs them tight.
There is something about that image.
God may be offering me mercy while I am hugging my guilt. He may be offering peace while I am hugging my worry. He may be offering freedom while I am hugging resentment. He may be offering me a gift while my pride is telling me I shouldn’t accept something I didn’t earn.
And if I hug those things tightly enough, eventually they are probably going to come out somewhere. Maybe in my words. Maybe in my attitude. Maybe in how I treat the next person who crosses me.
Maybe that is part of what I am seeing when I contemplate this servant. The king had released him from his debt, but perhaps the servant was still holding onto something.
Then today’s Psalm (Psalm 103:1-4, 9-12) says:
“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”
Maybe part of receiving grace is simply remembering His benefits and accepting them.
Not earning them.
Not explaining them.
Not paying Him back.
Receiving them.
And then St. Paul tells us in today’s second reading (Romans 14:7-9):
“None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself. For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord… whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.”
We are the Lord’s.
That may be what I need to remember when I struggle to receive something from Him. I don’t have to earn His love before I can receive it. I belong to Him.
Maybe humility isn’t only recognizing that I am unworthy.
Maybe humility is also accepting what God gives me even when I know I am unworthy of it.
Because if I insist that I have to deserve everything God gives me, I am going to have a hard time with grace.
I don’t deserve His mercy.
That’s why it’s mercy.
And maybe the other side of today’s Gospel is that once I really receive that mercy, it ought to become easier to give it away. If I truly understand what the King has forgiven in me, maybe I won’t be so quick to grab my brother by the throat over what I think he owes me.
So maybe there is a challenge in today’s readings for each of us.
What grace is God trying to give you right now that you are having trouble receiving?
Maybe it is forgiveness and you are still hugging the guilt. Maybe it is peace and you are hugging the worry. Maybe it is healing and you are hugging an old hurt.
Maybe somebody is trying to love you, help you, compliment you, or simply do something good for you, and something in you wants to push it away because you don’t feel like you deserve it.
And then maybe there is a second question.
What is coming out of you because you haven’t received that grace?
Is the worry becoming impatience? Is the guilt becoming anger? Is the pride becoming judgment? Is the hurt causing you to keep score with somebody else?
So here is my challenge today. Don’t just think about those questions and move on.
Find a quiet place for a few minutes. Sit, stand, or kneel before the Lord, whatever works for you, but actually open your hands.
There may be something powerful about physically letting go of whatever you have been hugging tight and putting yourself in a posture to receive.
Ask Him:
Lord, what are You trying to give me that I am refusing to receive? What am I hugging tightly instead?
Then stay there for a minute. Don’t try to earn anything. Don’t try to fix anything. Don’t explain to God why you don’t deserve what He is offering.
Just open your hands, pray this prayer, and try to receive whatever He wants to give you:
Lord, give me the grace to receive Your grace. Show me what I am still hugging tightly when You are asking me to let go. When You give me something I haven’t earned, give me the humility to simply receive it. Help me remember all Your benefits and trust that I am Yours. And let the mercy You pour into me become mercy that flows through me to the people You put in front of me. Amen.
And then maybe stay there with your hands open for another minute and let God be God.
Scripture:
Matthew 18:21–35
Romans 14:7–9
Sirach 27:30–28:7
Psalm 103
